SOURgrAPESatSG

my manyfacetoe

2011-04-29T09:00:00.004+08:00

Since none of these monkeys are doing what's needed, I've decided to stand for election.

My manyfacetoe:
Straits times will be the forum for all, abolish speakers corner. Too hot and too many mozzies. The papers always report the truth anyway.

Hdb prices will NOT be made affordable as its already supposed to be affordable in the first place (so u ppl stop talking rubbish ! )
Instead I will make sure that the prices hit The roof ( its cooler up in the roof anyway )
I will increase the cost of chicken rice as I think its overrated .
I will reduce the cost of prata , no cancel that , I will make it free as its the true Singapore dish.

I will decrease the number of queue tickets I give out at Polyclinics , because too many kengsters go there , diabetes my ass pui! STOP DRINKING TEH SI! YOU OLD GOAT !

I will replace high calibre medication like panadol with axe oil as I think that would work better.

I will remove doctors and put TCM in place .

I will give free education to our foreign talent , reduce The quality of education and bar singaporeans from attending school! Always fail anyway , plus what's there to learn anyway , better go work at coffee shop and pick garbage , shit is piling up and nobody is clearing it!

I will ban mediacorp radio as their American slang too cheem.

I will increase channel 5 funding as I think that they are doing a good job of killing peoples brain cells ....what! you are showing harry potter again !!! Wah piang ! Ahem...sorry I meant how wonderful.

I will increase NS from 2 to 50 yrs and deploy these mangkuks at hawker centres as the foreign talents will all go back to school .

I will increase gst to 100 percent on basic items and make luxury items free as I believe that we need pradas and what not, more.

I will charge erp on all mrt commuters and make them wear the IU(or whatever they call it)around their necks like the cows that they are.

I will make ris low speaker of parliament so she can boomz all she wants ...poor girl misunderstood.

I will disallow the word "objection" from the courts and have it replaced by "boomz".

I will replace "lah" with the word "peanut" as we all like it so much.

I will not say all the the other "real" things that I would do , as I will just NOT do them..high cost of living my foot ! pffftttttt !

So please vote for me .....or else whitley will be the last place I put you in ( yes I know about mad selamat).

Lee kuan Yew and those disillusioned others

2008-09-13T09:33:00.004+08:00

See my post below titked the same,
looks like tis monkey finally revealed himself,he got arrested while making a nuisance of himself.
http://singaporedissident.blogspot.com/

he claims to be fighting for singaporeans and he claims this and that,
but it seems that when the toad was finally caught he betrayed the very people he was supposedly trying to save!!

He uttered racial abuses and then denied it, ok i buy that that, but when he went on
saying that if, "each time someone hurled racial abuse and was sent to prison, then the prisons would overflow" i knew that he was lying.

so mr saviour you are fighting for us ??? while you berate us ? are the majority of us all racists ?.

His words....
"I pointed out to the court that I deny ever hurling any abuses at anyone. And that each time someone used a racial abuse is used; if the offender is sent to prison, there wouldn’t be sufficient prison space to house all the offenders!

this man and Traitors like him disgust me, to me A home is a Home, no matter how bad or how long i have left it. Nobody criticizes it and i will not criticize it to outsiders. for this home has taken care of me and sheltered me from the storm outside. No matter how bad, i will work to fix it, and it will continue sheltering me
even then. I will work on it from the inside, banging and bashing , and i will work on it from the outside, if i must. And even then i know that i do so because "I LIVE HERE"...and that it will continue sheltering me and my family, as it has for generations.

Mr Dissent , i have this to say to you,
You have forgotten your home .

Racial Stereotypes in Singapore (indians)

2008-02-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

I am a person that is rarely tongue-tied (big mouth),
But there was this one particular incident that really left me speechless, voiceless.

It was as if i was having a really bad stomachache,involuntary spasms and constipation for a month and , all at the same time (tough shit, i know).

First of all, she is a colleague/friend ( don't ask me about the god damn slash! i've a point to make here!!) and she is not a local ( 2 weeks in Singapore ).

She asked me about the racial stereotypes in singapore.

Nothing new right? but it is probably the first time anyone has actually asked me about it in a "serious, i would like to know" manner.

As an indian, i told her...indian stuff.

Like how when i am in the train and the aroma of someone's newly baked Shit cookie smell comes wafting through my nostrils,( Fart lah monkey!! ).
What comes after that incident, would be a feeling of guilt, washing over me in waves, a paranoia of sorts settles in,. The unshakeable believe that everyone thinks it's me that opened the door of the oven. The fear that i would be stoned, and hung to dry, as i was an indian and simply because of the fact that IF , if a fart exists, it is because of indians.

Don't believe me ? you are then probably not singaporean or perhaps my paranoia has finally gotten to me.

I told her, that it has become so ingrained in my psyche that whenever someone farts, i have this automatic urge to apologize.

Such is the existence of an indian.

oh that and this stereotype that WE indians have big , u know......hehehehehe............*sigh*, i wish, *sob*....

End of topic you sick people, oh woe be me! what kind of world do we live in??!!.

this is no porn show!

Lee kuan Yew and those disillusioned others

2008-02-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

Well, i will deviate from the norm here and put in something serious.
I have heard and seen enough from these monkeys (Link below),and Yes i myself was guilty of this act once. What i am about is the act of
Cursing LKY and his ideologies. This chap is smart and i think nobody will
say otherwise and his policies, his ideas, perhaps regimental and what not, have actually served singapore.

Look at our neighbours, look at myanmar or thailand or wherever.
I and many more foreigners would choose singapore.

Choose singapore for 1 fact and 1 fact only, Safety.
safety for my family,myself and my friends.

Do i hate not being able to be free?
Do i hate not being able to do what i want ?

Yes!

But despite all this, what would i choose?
I would choose singapore, Not that i am a patriot, God Forbid!! me a patriot?

"sacrilege" !!..most singapore bashers would have me hung for this thought.

I choose singapore because this is where my family is.
This is where they are Safe.
This is where they will have medical treatment even if they have no money( bill comes later)

look at this monkey

http://singaporedissident.blogspot.com

He and his fellow asswipe "foreigners" ( ex singaporeans, or ex cowardly traitors, not to the country, but to their fellow men) are constantly lambasting singaporeans under the GUISE of berating the singapore government.

Like i said i am no Patriot, I serve my national service ( with groans and moans) , yes perhaps i do it with much complaint. Yes i follow the laws, again with contempt. What does that make me?

Apathetic? a Coward?

i do it with only one thought in mind, and that is , "FOR my FAMILY!".

It has fed me, it has kept my family sheltered, fed and medically taken care of whenever we have needed it.

If this is Wrong then i am guilty. I have paid my dues and yes i complain about the taxes, about the low income, about the rising prices, about not having much choices and etc.

seriously, I would take this ANY DAY!! again and again with a whip to my KY-Jelly "ed" bottom.
as compared to the alternative.

The alternative?

Yes , "FREEDOM" with a torch in hand and a facade of political show that would win Thousands of academy awards if ever considered.

Is that freedom?, the slums? the poor? the bag lady's and ghettos and whatever?
Bankrupt states and debt ridden country?
How about the racism ( the type where they shoot you).

Maybe the British would be a better example, what with it being the queen's country and god's blah blah blah. With god's name we will steal, with god's name we will be racist's.

Is that what freedom is like? If it is then NO THANK YOU!...i will be glad to lubricate your sore ass and shove a big "freedom" banana up your poop chute! if you so desire.

I am free here, i might live under strict and almost regimented and perhaps archaic laws but it has served me.

It has served me as an Asian as a conservative person. I might not like it but hey "I AM HERE" assWipes and you are not!! I fight a daily battle from HERE!! and not from far away like a coward. It is easy to berate singapore constantly like a mad hyena. I do not need you traitors to fight my fight, i fight my own battle.

It is my home and no goddamn traitor can say anything about it.
Singapore might not be perfect, It might be stifling, but it is all i have.
I have family and friends who have left singapore, who might complain, but at least they know What home is. They know singapore's imperfections, but at least they do not go on bitchin about it one sided. An utopian society does not exist.

Chee soon juan might be dumb ( the way he does things) but i respect the guy for his incessant energy and form. He is HERE and Fighting the fight! He has gone to jail probably more times than any other prison inmate. He fights in his own way and i fight in my own. Through this we have seen change. A good leader who listens and most importantly ACTS!! and we have opposition in parliament ( unheard of before).

It is slow, but there is change.

Where has the great U.S of A been?, the govt has dragged it's people through the depths of Shit ville.

Seriously, Stop the drama of being a patriot. You want to be a patriot? Come on down here.

If not then just shut the hell up!

Stupid questions.

2007-12-06T18:58:00.001+08:00

i know we have all either been asked or have asked stupid questions.
Irritating? Yes definately.
Someone sent me this little anecdote .....No not antidote!!!!....

Read on

"The next time someone asks you a dumb question, would you not
like to respond like this?

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena
the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I
had an elephant? So since I am retired, with little to do, on
impulse,
I told her that no, I did not have a dog, and that I was starting the
Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs
in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that t he
way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets
and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line
was by
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff
an
Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack,
he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore "

moral of the story....keep your mouth shut .
These people were probably sent down from heaven to test your
Worthiness ( To enter heaven Lah!!)

SAVE THE GODDAMN EARTH!

2007-11-25T06:32:00.000+08:00

It is with great regret that i announce the futility of the above statement.

The phenomenon known as GOING ECO is sweeping the world "especially" after

the great U.S.A has agreed to endorse the project.

Never mind Gun control, or Racism or the fact that people are dying around the world.

I don't know. A satire? A farce perhaps or just one big theatre production.

What is this?

Nothing Irks me more than a Bag toting self righteous ASS#@*e that says we should save the world by not using a few plastic bags.

Maybe if we could train monkeys to shit upside down while hanging from a tree, then perhaps we could

save the universe!!

It has reached epidemic proportions. EPIDEMIC!!

i am actually required to pay for bags in places that i have never ever.

Every other monkey i come across says to use less bags,

What happened to Lets not drive!

We can't do it can we?

It is simple to wear a ribbon on my lapel for a cause, it is easy to forgo a couple of bags,

But let me see who is actually willing to ACTUALLY make a sacrifice.

Take public transport.

COOK at home more.

Eat smaller portions.

NOT Drink alcohol,

Not waste water on cleaning my damn car,

Bring my own water from home instead buying.

Come on guys, it is not about lip service. If you cannot really sacrifice, at least stop lying.

As for me i would'nt give two cents about this save the earth crap, why?

Cause I AM A MUSLIM!

i am not supposed to waste, Waste not want not!

I live by it. Every day, i try to waste not, every moment is spent trying. (yes the buddhists too.)

See these images, who needs help more urgently?, the bags or these kids?

I have seen children with no feet, much less shoes.

I have seen children working to feed their Families,

I have seen children despondent,

I have seen our future bleak because our "now" had nothing to eat.

Have you felt pain till you went numb?

Come on people, screw the planet, let's feed our kids first.

What's the point of Saving our planet when there won't be anyone else to live in it?

Save the bags? corporate bullshit....

let's try saving the kid's first huh??

P.S. So okay i am not perfect, i fail half of the time but these ECO ppl are really starting to piss me off. Occured to anyone yet? the only ones saving are these companies and nobody else...or are we all blind?

Computers a wiki

2007-07-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

we live breathe and eat computers.
There was a time when typewriters were the "in" thing.
Refridgerators were a mark of luxury.
Washing machines, a mark of status.

Computers?
They just plain baffle me.
15 years back if a family had a computer, they were rich (never mind that they never knew what it was for).

Now, everyone has one.
BUSH has one ( he probably thinks it is a fish tank), Clinton had one (till he got busted watching Porn), My neighbourhood mama has one, even my dad has one.

So what is it for?

Blogging, commerce, an avenue to access Maxim's website....hehehehe
and what not.

Now that we have answered "what it is for" i will try answering
what It is.

It is everything i would rather it was not.

It gives me information that a library cannot.
It is an encyclopedia that answers nothing.
A dictionary that explains next to nothing.
A bottomless pit of information that informs nothing.
A box of connections that connects to nothing.

so the answer is, It is nothing!
( hmmmnn what is my isp charging me for?....."probably nothing" you say? ....wah you aah really genius !)

i have connections to my friends, blogs, friendster, emails and what not. Do i know them?
No not really.

Anyways... now that i have answered what it is, i will now try to figure out if we really understood it....

Most of us wouldn't be able to differenciate between a CDR and a DVD-R even if we were run over by a truck,filled with these CDs, being driven by a legion of apes.

So...*sigh* here i will try to explain the general terms used in relation to computers.

Thumb Drive : It is not what you think. It is a small storage gadget that you insert into your computer to store things. ( no not like your cupboard!!!! and please DO NOT TRY to Squeeze your pet monkey into it!!!)

Floppy Disk : Redundant now, was too floppy , so out it went (men, lesson to be learnt here.

A BUG : Some insect that entered your computer, don't worry about it. It will come out sooner or later.

Microsoft : Some company that is too small and too soft, *see floppy dick...ummm sorry i meant disk.

Microsoft Office : Something we can all do without, It is just like having electric paddles for a sampan.

DVD, CDr, Blue ray : Do not worry about them. They do not mean a thing! Just something extra the devil put in to confuse us.

Mouse : Something that everyone presses, isn't loyal to anyone. So burn it if you can.

Keyboard : See mouse.

LCD,CRT : Shows you stuff that you do not want to see. eg. your bank balance being hacked away, pictures of your loved ones being unfaithful, Emails telling you that the IRAS will forfeit all that you have and more.
So better to switch it off.

CPU : the box that processes all the above. and gets them to talk and occassionally makes noises. sometimes they do not talk, it is ok, we all have quarrels. they will kiss and make up later.

Windows : just something that is there for ventilation. Remember to close it when it rains.

Viruses : if your system warns you that there are some in your system, don't worry, the trojans will come and kill them for you, if all else fails, take some antibiotics.

Get it? if you are still confused , email me. I will bring My special Optical wireless mouse to scan your system to learn more and explain to you. What is it ? oh something that only professionals have. So don't worry about it. I will continue updating this wiki to help you...

------UPDATE--------

MACintosh= MAC in TOSH.
We all know what mac is, as for "tosh", i haven't a clue. Go bug your neighbour about it.

Speakers- Things that speak, have little people in them making noises. Leave them alone they like their privacy.

Webcam- switch it on and dance nude( shave your back before you start)in front of it, will give you luck.
(Disclaimer- i said luck, i did not specify what kind. If you have bad luck its because you probably didn't shave your back, If you did shave then it must be because you are plain unlucky).

Printer- too many buttons and does nothing.

RAM- something in your CPU that makes it go faster. So avoid it (not the cpu lah! idiot!!) . Oh one more thing, lock the doors of your room (in case the cpu runs too fast for you to catch it).

Dual core- makes your CPU run faster, if you haven't already learnt your lesson from the "RAM", then you really deserve it. Stay away from it!

Error messages in windows ( first find who wrote
it on your window before reading on) :-

1) keyboard not detected, please press any key to continue. ( any key will do, car keys, house keys etc) if it doesn't work still, you are doing it wrong.

2) fatal error Blah blah blah...- call the paramedics !!!!!!

3) please update your antivirus - my god i didn't know there was one !! STOP EATING THE ANTIBIOTICS!!!!

more updates later

no choice

2007-06-12T09:20:00.000+08:00

The Schizophrenic duality of my star crossed love affair with singapore continues.

On one hand we have rising costs, and on the same palm (dissected by that little teeny weeny line) we have our locals, accepting, whatever that is dished out to them.

On the other side ( i would assume ,the left hand....for the benefit of the absolutely "Granal"...meanig gramatically anal) We have the powers that be, saying that they have "no choice" thus the reason for the title of this post.

follow the link

Just to surmise their (our local cable Provider, the one and ONLY)"desperation" and "selfless Sacrifices" in the spirit of Patriotism, ( It seems that implied "patriotism" is always the reason why All these Companies in singapore have so far refrained from increasing charges...then, they suddenly Do with such heart rendering, gut wrenching reluctance...*tsk* *tsk*...oh you poor thing) They have decided to increase their Subscription charges, across the board ( don't know which board exactly will let you know later).

The problem here and the main consternation is not just, the Increase itself, but how they actually go about justifying it.

As usual in true Singapore style, they slowly kill you with their long suffering speeches (refer to sarcasm above in red) and then they will go on giving you schematics and statistics. Really ! WHICH SIDE OF MY BLACK INDIAN BUM tells you that i give a rats ass( no pun intented on the ass).

What matters here?
Me paying more or your justifications.
I really do not give a flying fu*#! ( never really figured out just how they do this)

just in case the link above dies, just some of the article

'We have no choice,' says SCV
The signs were plain that sports fans might soon have to dig deeper into their wallets, when StarHub Cable Vision (SCV) last year purportedly shelled out US$160 million ($247 million) for coverage of the English Premier League.
But there has been little or no warning for the general TV buff of what is to come next month.
From July 11, SCV homeviewers will have to fork out $4 more in subscription fees across the board — the first such hike in its basic pay-TV prices since the service was rolled out in 1995.
Sports fans subscribed to the basic groups will, in addition, have to foot a $10-increase in fees for the sports channels, come October.
Not surprisingly, subscribers are unhappy with the planned fee hikes and are looking forward to alternatives in pay TV by year's end.
Mr Thomas Ee, StarHub's senior vice-president of cable, fixed and IP services, said the price increases are a "natural result" of the rising prices of pay-TV content, which makes up 42 per cent of StarHub's cable TV revenue.
Said Mr Ee: "Most pay-TV operators around the world increase prices periodically, and StarHub has not done so despite a steady rise in costs over the years ... It is impossible to continue absorbing the costs indefinitely, so we have no choice but to implement this rate adjustment at this time."
Just last month, StarHub announced a strong first-quarter showing, with its net profit rising 13.9-per-cent year-on-year, from $61.4 million to $70 million.
Asked about possible perceptions of profiteering, Mr Ee told Today: "After taking in other operating expenses and the large capital required to build a cable network island-wide, the margin in cable TV is the leanest of any of the services that we provide.
"In fact, it has taken a decade for our pay-TV business to break even."
Subscription numbers have been rising steadily. According to StarHub, as of end-March, 490,000 households were subscribed to its cable TV services — that is, 43.6 per cent of households with television sets.
SCV — the offspring of a 2002 merger between Singapore Cable Vision and StarHub — last raised prices of its sports package from $8 to $15 in late 2004.
It reportedly paid US$160 million last November to broadcast English Premiership matches for three years. But while many had anticipated the fee hike for its sports pay-TV package, the move to raise fees across all channels has left subscribers seeing red.
Mr Leong Hoon Kee, who lives in a private estate, will have to pay........

and it goes on......get my point ?

Dear Govt people please please, give us our satellite dishes.....just one small one perhaps?
How about a "wok"? I promise i will not stain your precious monopoly with curry stains.

No? how about a "mangkuk"? (bowl in malay)

I promise not to watch Porn.....so how about it?

* sigh*

bloody monkeys...........

recycling monkeys

2007-04-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

first we had the save the whales
then save the sharks
concurrently, save the planet.

My question , where is it going?
Let's jump on the band wagon, someone said and there you go!

Singapore like the rest of the world seems
to be convinced that by not using plastic bags we will actually save the planet.

Let us see, No bags equals to consumers paying more.

Dont think so?
let me enlighten you.
When these world monkeys(Authority) say that by recycling the planet will be
saved and somehow we will all ultimately save money.
The europeans have been doing it for ages, what have they saved?
The Aussies are nuts about save (fill in the blank) and what have they saved?

I will tell you.
The big corporations have saved tons on packaging while still charging us the same.

There are children starving, People killing people from USA to Timbuktu because of guns and what are we doing about it?

Nothing!

there are plenty of "organisations" seemingly doing something but have they changed anything?

Maybe we the villagers should concentrate on PEOPLE instead of some lousy bags.

What about oil?
We drink oil.
Shouldn't it be running out soon?
Instead what we do is get the international Dog "uncle sam" to go around killing innocent people just so they can have oil.

My take, i am not going to live that long to see shit anyway so why bother about some bags.

The end of the world will come sooner or later so why worry?

If i had it my way, get these SOBs to pass the savings to us consumers and then perhaps only then will i believe that this saving the bag shit is genuine and worth my while.

Any takers?

i lost the fight but won the war

2007-04-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

One nasty comment spurred me to write this.

we the villagers have nothing to look forward to but to be Successful.
We love to Announce how successful we are.
With panache and arrogance,sometimes.

We endeavour non-stop, to find it.
Most of the time, it eludes us.
Even when we have 2 cars, a condo and dozens of bank accounts.

Even then it is a goal that seems to slip from our grasp.
Nevertheless it gives us Great joy to "let slip" how we regretted buying that
Coveted car,house etc.

Do we learn?
No.
I was and am guilty of the same thing.
I am no saint.
But in the same breath, i would like to say that i have found success.
It is imperfect but i have found it and all i have to do now is to
Start perfecting it.

I am a successful Son,
A successful Husband,
A successful Brother,
A successful nephew,
A Successful Citizen,

Last but not the least,
A successful ME.

We forget family while looking for success,
We forget Our loved ones while trying to earn enough.
We Forget the very cause, the very Root
of our desire to be "successful" that when we do realise
what we want It is too late.

Maybe the key is to realise Earlier what we really want.
The smallest Fight,
That small instance whe a loved one gave you that smile that meant more
than what it said, I LOVE YOU.

three insignificant words, so Important at the right time.

How have you been measuring success?
With a mug filled with stale ale from 20years ago,
Or with the finest Wine, aged, nah Rotten to the core, aged with
time lost.

Or perhaps with How much i have won in the contest of life ?
Have you lost?
Then why is it so important to tell people how much you have,
To announce how much I gained,
To blind people with designer Shades.
Have you made your point?

Is it too late for you?

For i know now that I am a Son.

I WANT IT!

2007-04-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

Our obsession with all things new.
Maybe an uniquely Singaporean Thing.
When there is a new Mobile phone model, we want one,No matter that
the old one works perfectly well.

When there is a new Computer we want one.
Never mind that we probably do not even know how to Use it.

When there is a hot model( Not the catwalk kind you bloody idiot!)
we want one.

Never mind that the product would probably fit an androgynous hermaphrodite better than it would you, we want one.

Why?
Because we live in a little island called singapore.
Sandwiched in between Indonesia and malaysia like a wedgie in somebody's butt crack.

We have been called "A drop of Piss" because (i presume) Malaysia looks like a Penis.
Never mind that, that is another tale.

Back to our topic, Why? Because we cannot really go anywhere else.
Really, Where can we escape to?
Malaysia? the sooner to be slaughtered by their villagers.
Indonesia? Right! Heard of the Pirates?
Thailand? Eeerrrm no thank you, they are absolutely ANAL!

Get the point?

Technology is our only escape .

So we want more.
We want more Cars
more mistresses,
more designer wear,
More and more and more!

This wedgie is fast becoming a hemmoroid!
We need to be Lubricated fast.

the question is, With what?

nasty comments

2007-04-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

To the "anonymous People" who posted nasty comments.

Errmm sorry I didn't publish them, regretted my actions , But was too late.

I should have let them be.

Anyway to the uninitiated, I had and still have left the comments to come from anybody.Why? don't really know but some that came my way actually went like this,

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "self righteous blabber":

not surprising you feel this way. as your theistic tendencies hv revealed, you obviously have a low IQ. so naturally, you're envious of pple who do are doing well. Loser..."

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "self righteous blabber":

you are so reflexively cynical. why shld anyone take your comments seriously. you are better off just writing a diary than having a blog that pretends to comments on public affairs but is really just your private bitching and whining and whingeing board. you're such a loser and the real asswipe here really is just your sad pathetic self. If i were you, i'd just go kill myself.

"

Pretty nasty huh??...*sigh* see i told you guys. the kind of nutcases we have here.

Does not matter to me, IT IS, a blog, we will have our natural selection of idiots once in a while. Maybe my message was misinterpreted, I do not really know. But what i Do know is that though this user tried to hide behind the Internet and Try to stab me in the back, i will tell you, i know that you are from singapore(bright hill crescent).

I have nothing to hide. It seems you do. Anyway,Hope that abuse made you happy.
It made me happy that at least you read it.

Maybe you are doing something better to try to make this world a better place.

Maybe i am wrong, I don't really mean harm, Perhaps it would have been better if you had Offered something constructive??

Oh well i guess not.

Thank you anyway numb nuts.

chinese weddings

2007-04-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

For all you villagers that have no clue whatsoever about the inner workings of a chinese wedding, here is a sample :-

Day 1 - tea ceremony

Day 1a - wedding dinner.

Nothing wrong with the "Tea ceremony", basically the couple will have to get down on their knees and Offer the Parents/inlaws Chinese tea after which the couple gets Hong Baos (ang pau, meaning red packets filled with money) as a token. This Completes the Official nuptials.

People take turns to offer tea to each other. At least that's what happened to me. After a while you just get plain confused as to who is supposed to offer tea to whom.

There was once when i was on the chair and my father in law was on his knees offering me tea!! Confusing stuff i tell ya. Ok ok he didn't offer me tea, might be my subconscious playing tricks....hmmmmnnn.

Anyway after cutting that short let us move on to the Dinner. Nothing different about it (from a normal wedding) except for the fact that one main ingredient is involved here. "money", now when i say money i mean lots of money!

It is a big NO NO to NOt give money to the couple. Some weddings you have Grumpy old ladies sitting at a table out at the reception. One would "Man" (you should see the ladies) the guest book and the other would receive the Red packets( Hong Baos, red packets with money) from the guests. These Overzealous ladies would then have your Pride and joy and hope and Shame in between their thumbs. They would proceed to open these packets in front of everybody and one would then Proceed to announce Loudly (for every ones Benefit, possibly to shame and scare others) the amount that was given. If you gave a generous amount then good, maybe a smile ( don't hold your breathe waiting), If not, then you will be the lucky few to get a table near the toilet (if not IN).

Can you imagine the horror if you gave five bucks!!! gives me the shivers!
While all this is going on, you see sweaty brows in full throttled Air conditioning.
Nervous grinding of teeth, Sweaty palms, pale faced ,wrecked with jitter, clanging testicles, guests on one side. The other side you will see some cocky faced brats giving the once over to the unfortunate few (short lived cockiness after the encounter with "The ladies").

Just like a Theater performance, this affair is full of drama, suspense and perhaps if you are lucky, some violence. This is a realm that belongs only to the "Old LADIES"and no one else. And by the way if you are planning to go to some wedding (chinese), Do, Please Do be afraid, Be very afraid. Do not even think of getting away with that miserable Hong Bao that you brought and forget about giving these ladies the "heave Ho" because these are one bunch of tough Old ladies. The have in them Inhuman Strength, Schooled in the Ancient Art Of "kick You Hard Hard and Long Long where the Sun will Quake in its ffet to even think of shining".

Tough little cookies these ladies. Theere is No ginseng too big and no Bamboo too long, They overcome them all. So for you White men, I WOULD NOT MESS WITH THEM.

After this nerve wrecking Affair, you have the 5,6,10 course dinner. Perhaps a slide show of the couples wedding photos (aaarrrggghhhh HOSTAGE Situation Get OUT nOW!!!).

Then while all this happens the couple will go from table to table to say thanks (or curses) to the guests.....ok, so no curses. Photographs will be taken at every table with the couple.

Simple huh?

Thank god though, no such thing at my wedding, Was over in About Five minutes, WE ( my wife and I) went through the wedding simply. Killed By Humility, Bankrupted by Pride, Kicked by the waiters in our butt cheeks we made a loss. Yes that is what they refer to weddings as ( NOt THE MARRIAGE YOU IDIOT!!) . If a couple makes money to cover their their expenses than it is a "break Even", If they made more and more left over for a honeymoon then a perfect wedding.

We made a "loss", If we had "broke even" i would have been glad and had i had a Perfect wedding i would have gone insane!, suffered a moment of insanity. Probably would have whimpered like a child in soiled diapers,

But Sadly no, We Did'nt. There was no moment of insanity.

What i got in return was a bride, A happy Family, And happy guests.

So ok, I got a windfall after all.

now where is my Hong bao?????

(p.s. not all chinese weddings are like that, just an example of some)

self righteous blabber

2007-03-29T18:03:00.000+08:00

Maybe i am wrong, I just do not understand it.
Maybe it is my Australian education at work here.
Maybe not.

So what was this article saying. I will tell you what it was not.

It was not saying sorry.
It was not saying that what these people are doing is wrong
and it definitely was not giving us the real story.

A lame attempt at justifying the spending the millions on these elitist
Ass wipes in singapore.
First they siphon our money, then they screw our system and after
they are done monkeying and using singapore as their testing ground they leave.
Now the Govt wants to pay them more??!!

Ok.
Why not start paying the monkeys at the zoo more?
"peanuts" perhaps?

Let them go, stop their funding , let rich daddy and mummy pay through their asses for their education.
I am sure they won't mind selling their Ferraris and what not.

Give our own people, the poor, the family Man and woman a chance to study.
sheesh what a Drama.
The rich screwing the poor and using lame excuses to leave.

Do i look like toilet paper?
Am i worth less?
I would not even give these people my used toilet paper much less an increment.

Like they always say, it is not all about money, please pray tell me what IT IS about.

Hang them i say.
Better yet, Wax their balls then hang them.

Bloody mangkuks, Scum from the bottom of my pond.

It really pisses me off how these rich screw us around.
I am getting so stressed i think

i will go and soak my tooshy in my jacuzzi

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/070329/5/singapore267135.html

A mandarin's temptation

As jobs go, he was enjoying the one he had, but Mr Gerald Chiu had a decision to make.
The former Public Service Commission overseas scholar was about to complete his six-year bond. At the time, he was a deputy director in the Ministry of Manpower.

The money was good, but he could always earn more outside.

He was helping formulate policies addressing retirement issues for Singaporeans. "The thing is, whatever I did was only going to have an effect in, say, 30 years ... But I'm the kind who likes to see results fast," he said.

The choice before him was simple. "Either you choose public service because you feel the calling, or you want to do something else," said Mr Chiu, 33.

He decided to do something else. He packed his bags and accepted an offer to work in Kuala Lumpur with private equity fund Navis Capital Partners. Mr Chiu gets a fixed salary as well as a share of the profit when his outfit has turned a company around and sold it at a profit.

He likes the buzz. The money can be considerably better than what the civil service would have paid him. He has no regrets about his decision to join the private sector last year.

Last week, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong spoke of the need to retain talent in public service and suggested competitive wages as well as the need to enthuse staff. The exact pay revisions will be announced on April 9.

But as the case of Mr Chiu suggests, it will not be an easy battle to win.

Some 21 people left the administrative service last year. Of these, 13 resigned, while the others retired or transferred out of the service. In 2005, too, there were 13 resignations.

The two other administrative service officers in Mr Chiu's batch resigned after completing their bond — one left for the private sector while the other became an academic.

He acknowledges that in many cases, people leave because the money is better in the private sector. "But when people leave it is not always about the money," he said. "It is a big consideration, but it isn't everything."

For one, it needs a special kind of passion and patience to remain in the administrative service. It is like royal priesthood: Not everyone is cut out for it, former civil service chief Sim Kee Boon once said.

More immediately, almost every administrative service officer — typically a high-flying, high-achiever in his early 30s — reaches a career crossroad, usually after serving out his bond.

It has just been revealed, for example, that 43-year-old Mr Ravi Menon will take over as Second Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Trade and Industry from July 1. The high-flyer candidly admitted that when he first started out, he had intended to use the civil service as a stepping stone. "Every now and then I would have these musings about trying out something in the private sector," he said.

What kept him back? Mr Menon told Channel NewsAsia that while the private sector was exciting, "whenever I go through that, I invariably come to the conclusion that no, maybe I'll stay back a little longer because this is meaningful work".

The question is whether everyone is equipped to deal with the public sector's unique challenge.

As a junior civil servant more than 20 years ago, a young Mr Chan Soo Sen, then with the Ministry of Defence, recalls that he put up some proposals on National Service.

His boss thanked him for his hard work, but eventually chose not to approve any of his ideas. But over the next ten years — even after he had left the Ministry — many of his proposals were eventually implemented, one by one.

"The policies were then all announced by other people. I was not involved anymore, but there was the satisfaction of knowing I was the one who drafted the idea and seeing it have an impact on others," said Mr Chan, now 50,who served in the elite administrative service before joining politics and eventually moving to the private sector last year.

He acknowledges that not everyone can handle rejection so easily, he said. And the unique constraints of civil service could prompt some to seek their destiny elsewhere.

Interestingly, instead of trying to block out the "temptation" of the private sector, the Government posts some of its administrative officers to private sector companies on attachment. Some never come back. Those that do are more committed than ever, said Mr Chan.

MP Lee Bee Wah, herself a former administrative service officer who left to start her own company when she was in her 30s, told 938Live recently: "If we don't do anything about it now, we'll lose more capable civil servants."

As Mr Chiu said, it is not just the money ... - /sh

united nations

2007-03-29T12:42:00.000+08:00

i will not say i was shocked.
I will not say i was surprised.
Like i have said time and time again,
Two monkeys do not make a country perfect much less
A bunch of monkeys

The great United nations, Should be called
The great Fart, for nothing good comes out of them
only gas that smells as bad.

the summary,
UN Watch exposes the monumental hypocrisies, terrible lies and moral inversions of the new and supposedly reformed UN Human Rights Council. Millions of victims and 191 countries ignored. Darfur atrocities outright denied. Self-proclaimed defenders of Palestinian rights -- Assad, Ahamadinejad, Khaddafi and UN expert John Dugard -- care only about scapegoating Israel. Council President Luis de Alba of Mexico responds with unprecedented announcement that he rejects the speech as "inadmissible" -- and issues a ban on any speech that similarly criticizes the council or its member states. NGO community is shocked at denial of free speech and open debate.

for your viewing pleasure and what i am referring to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhWgZu6tcZU

A little about My self

2007-03-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

My cats , my inspiration.
No perspiration.
Simplicity of life.
Two monkeys do not equate to
a changed world.
Two cats equate to a
changed man.
Learnt, patience....ok still learning...
Gained acceptance, Does
not matter if i smell, Does
not matter if i fart.
Accepted, Plain
acceptance.
No arrogance from
them. They forgive
in an instant.
They have no seeds of jealousy.
They live.
They sleep carefree.

Unlike us monkeys.
We think we live.
We believe we have lived.
We villagers are so close and yet so far.

We do not refrain from nefarious activities.
Two spankings do not change us.
A kind word we ignore.
Maybe it is time for drastic measures
Time to burn their lungis and chaddis (sarongs and underwears)

Shave their pits and tie their nuts !

This monkey will try.

I REJECT YOU

2007-03-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

I have kept quiet for far too long.
We the Villagers of the world have done nothing, for too long.

see this :-

http://www.facefacts.sg/

this adverts started coming out recently and they disturbed me.
they Angered me so.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE THESE MONKEYS ANY LONGER.

I stopped reading the papers since the age of 16.
When i Did i Skipped Most of it.
Because they upset me.
I identified more with the ass of a baboon then i did as a man.

They Prophecised doom.
Suffering.
Money, career, Money, power, was all they talked about.
So much So that i became a nervous Wreck.
If there was a lighthouse in the sea of the the modern economy, i Did not see it.
For I was already Sunk.
I was never good enough.
I could never study hard enough.
So much so that everything i did amounted to two nuts belonging to
a Chimp.
I was effectively reduced to a peanut without a shell.
I was scum
A bottom feeder.

To all these Apes Out there in the world like the ones mentioned above, I say
Thou Will not make a monkey out of me.
My red ass will not be spanked by you any further( wife excluded hehehe, ahem!!)

This was but an example.
Around the world, the world of commerce and Politics has Manipulated us, till we no longer see the light ( no not sunglasses).

They have made apes out of all of us, From the pharmaceutical companies to the man on the street peddling underwear's.

We are beautiful villagers, we want peace, we want to love and be loved .we want to die in the arms/paws of our loved ones/dogs,cats, porn etc.

I want to be free.
I Reject you.
I reject your commercial hoopla.
I reject your claims that the world is in danger from terrorists. for i know now
that you are the terrorist.
I reject your branding.
I Reject The 5cs ( cash,car, Condo, contraceptives and Christmas)
I reject your economy

I will no longer be bent and folded like a mat by your will.
I reject your Politics.
I reject your Laws that take my freedom of choice away.

Last of all, I reject you.
For i am no ape.
I am a man.
And today I live.

eeerrrmmm......playstation doesn't count.

"routine" scratching of my bottom

2007-03-28T11:45:00.001+08:00

referring to this:-

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/070327/1/47j8i.html

Wednesday March 28, 4:49 AM
Britain threatens to raise stakes in Iran standoff

British Prime Minister Tony Blair warned Iran on Tuesday that a row over 15 detained sailors could enter a "different phase" if they were not freed soon, remarks which Tehran condemned as provocative.

Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett meanwhile cut short a visit to Turkey in order to report to parliament Wednesday, having hit a dead end in talks with her Iranian counterpart Manouchehr Mottaki.

Blair earlier cautioned Iran that he was not prepared to see the naval personnel held with "no justification whatever."

His official spokesman said London was not looking to escalate the stand-off and would prefer a diplomatic solution, insisting that Britain was not considering military action or throwing out Iran's ambassador.

Blair said Britain was trying to "pursue this through the diplomatic channels and make the Iranian government understand these people have to be released."

"If not, then this will move into a different phase," he added in an interview with GMTV television.

However in Tehran, Iranian foreign ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini denounced the British remarks.

"The media campaigns and provocative ... remarks regarding the violation of Iranian territorial waters by the British sailors are doing nothing to help settle the affair," he said.

"The British service personnel entered Iranian waters illegally and the case will follow its legal and judicial course."

Hosseini said that British diplomats would be able to meet the 15, who include a woman, once investigators had completed questioning them about what they had been doing in Iranian waters.

Beckett's return so soon after speaking to Tehran reflected the mounting concern over the standoff, as Iran rejects growing international calls to free the sailors who were detained last Friday.

She said she had decided to return to London after speaking on the telephone with Mottaki, saying that it appeared that there had been no progress in resolving the issues.

A Foreign Office spokesman said Beckett "spoke in very robust terms" with Mottaki.

"She indicated that the British government will continue to pressurise the Iranian government on all these points."

Britain, supported by Iraq, insists that the naval personnel were conducting "routine" anti-smuggling operations in Iraqi waters Friday when they were seized at gunpoint in the Shatt al-Arab waterway in the north of the Gulf.

Iran says they entered its territorial waters illegally.

Pressed on what a "different phase" of the dispute might involve, Blair said: "Well, we will just have to see.

"But what they should understand is that we cannot have a situation where our servicemen and women are seized when actually they are in Iraqi waters under a United Nations mandate, patrolling perfectly rightly and in accordance with that mandate, and then effectively captured and taken to Iran."

Blair said that the sailors' welfare was paramount.

"There is absolutely no justification whatever for holding them," he added.

Blair's spokesman said London was "utterly certain" that the sailors were in Iraqi waters.

"So far, we haven't made explicit why we know that because we don't want to escalate this.

"We don't want to do that too soon because we prefer to have this ... resolved quietly."

But he added: "We may come to the stage where we have to become more explicit about why we know this."

Citing unnamed sources, the BBC said the crew were being grilled at a Revolutionary Guards base in Tehran to find out if they were on an intelligence-gathering mission.

The investigation involved examining tracking equipment to determine exactly where the sailors were seized.

The European Union has demanded the sailors' release and the United States has expressed its "concern and outrage."

The German foreign ministry said on Tuesday it had called in the Iranian ambassador to Berlin and reiterated a demand for the immediate release of the naval personnel.

The crisis over the detentions comes as concerns also rise over Iran's disputed nuclear programme.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
it seems that the great "U.S of A" has started a new game of shoot thy neighbour. first it was WMD or Weapons of mass destruction for the uninitiated in IRAQ. now its IRAN. Going down the Alphabetical list it seems.

Since the UN is not going anywhere with their usual "WE CONDEMN" or "We Strongly Condemn" stance, the USA and Britain( The Great U.S of A's lap dog) has come up with this new ploy.

Don't get me wrong, i do not support Iran's dodgy Politics nor do i condone their nefarious activities as the "great leaders would put it".

But seriously, How routine is their "routine" anti smuggling operations? Are they sooo detailed in their security operations? Come on people. the "enemy is in Iraq right? So what were they doing outside of Iraq? When you get a problem Don't we work inside out instead of outside in as the Great "Royals" would have us believe?

I know it is tough now, what with the "democracy" trend and what not .It is difficult not to invade other countries and make them slaves but seriously, this?

Like hell we believe you were doing routine "gardening" with poor old innocent "gardeners" when Big Bad khomeini came and swatted you like bugs with his mighty holy Turban.

Poor Poor yo0u.

You make me wanna puke all the curry i had for lunch , puke everything out till liquid pappadom and pickle ooze out of my Pits.

Nice ploy, Bravo, good stuff. We all know you maggots are waiting to invade Iran, It is only a matter of time.

And while we are berating you i would like to Congratulate the Bloody Iran for fucking up the world. Just like A pot calling the kettle black. Iran is a stigma on Islam.

You, Iran have a shitty history, perpendicular with the nutcase Germany's hitler.

You wake up one day and decide to eradicate civilization as we know it so as to mould it into A diseased society which you call perfect.

sheesh, grow up .

My solution, Take the states,Britain, UN, Iran, and the communist koreans and cook them. Problem solved. Shitty Governments with a warped up sense of "justice". I bet my Poop will smell better even then.

*Now, wheres my blender*.........

2007-03-28T11:45:00.000+08:00

GAY guys and HOTMALE

2007-03-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

GAY guys and HOTMALE huh?
well, "gay guys", is my issue here and "HOTMALE" eeerrmmm just something that has to do with my "hotmail" account that dogs me occasionally..."ahem"...

Homosexuality is an open secret here in singapore.
Meaning , IT IS ILLEGAL!

what it means to me , ITS illegal to be a "HOMO" and "sexual" (NO disrespect meant, gay guys)

Two separate words, Let me expand further on this.

We have gay clubs here, gay forums, gay people and other really happy people.
Now, they are constantly campaigning to abolish this Persecution by the Govt.

My words to them?

Come on guys , its illegal for two consenting heterosexual adults to engage in Oral sex ( Yes , really!!, and no i don't mean phone sex.....perverts).

IT IS ILLEGAL.
We have more important things here than your little problem.
The Govt has heard you! ( no, not the moaning)

So whats more important here??

Homosexuality or Oral sex?!!

Answer - ORAL SEX!!

You have your clubs and what not, i have nothing here!

Join the queue, i was here first, you greedy little fairy slut you.

SECURE my two nuts with gaffer tape

2007-03-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

Security cams.
Everywhere i go people want to poke their cameras into my unmentionables.
Poke them far and wide till my orifices pucker up.

OK, not really but you get my gist.

Train stations - filled with cameras.
Shopping centres - same story .
England - um, never mind. ( spotted dick????!! errrrr...ok)
Everywhere and anywhere, where anybody is somebody, you will find cameras.

No wonder, looking back at the state of world affairs today, i feel safe only in the toilet. Never mind the smell.
Never mind the poop lining the walls of public place of business. Lay it on me, i say.
i feel safe there.
Paint me brown and call me twinkie.

Who caused this Phobic craze to spiral out of proportions? don't know. Israelis? Osama the nut job?( come on man! who lives in a cave?), the big "U.S of A"? (NOTE the sarcasm), or the vegetable seller you passed by on the way to work?

Doesn't matter ( everybody has a theory nowadays) , what matters is that IT IS INSANE!

Right now, what i do suspect, is that, "Terror" is a marketing campaign orchestrated by the "Big Ol U.S of A" !

My solution to world peace, POINT these same cameras at ONLY 4 Locations and there you have it. Safe world, Cheaper everything and Governments of the rest of the world will sleep in peace.

THE 4 LOCATIONS

1. Point the camera at the white house
2. Pentagon
3. Every American embassy around the world
4. Up bad Bush's Orifice (s)

Problem solved. Keep these jokers under scrutiny instead. The American villagers will finally have a chance to Breathe as well.

tune in to cnn folks,
Its another day and it seems a new show is on.
The Return of BAD BUSH and his antics

money talks like a shoe

2007-03-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

Why does money change people?

Sounds like a "bitchin" and "whinin" article huh?
It is not. Read on.

Went shopping today and to cut the story short, i ended up at a
shoe store with the wife.

My attention was diverted to this family of four.
Mom and dad and two teenagers.

They looked like an average family at first glance but for some tell tale signs Which gave them away as people with money.( i'm not exactly starving myself but definitely not rich).

Mom had an Louis vuitton bag and dad had this snobbish, nose in the air look.

Kids were trying on a few pairs of sneakers ( they finally settled on an expensive looking one).

The point of the story is, WHY??
Why?? in gods/Osama/jesus etc name would people want to buy expensive sneakers for growing kids?

I had lousy canvas shoes when i was young ( maybe why i didn't become an olympian as "nike" and others like it would like you to believe)and my feet survived.

That was not all, the mom behaved like as if she could buy the whole store and dad looked "coooolly" on while his family was having a great discussion about the sneaker.

My words to them.

ONE - IT IS JUST A SHOE!
TWO - GO SUCK MY BIG HAIRY TOE AND CALL ME DADDY.
THREE - MAY THESE KIDS GROW UP AND THROW THOSE SAME SNEAKERS AT YOU WHEN YOU GROW OLD.

FOUR - Leave them be, they are just kids, if they know no hardship now when will they learn compassion?

COMPASSION only for the poor, rich don't have it.

Parting shot - SUCK MY TOE YOU RICH UNSCRUPULOUS BABBOONS AND MAY GOD TURN YOU INTO A PILE OF DOG POOPY!!!

Seaweed on the shoulders

2007-03-14T17:01:00.000+08:00

" Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results".
General George S. Patton - Leading US field Commander of WW2

No wonder Clinton had a "menage Trois" with his intern, Himself and the Israeli Prime minister.

For those few clueless and (innocent) Villagers :-

He had a secret "under the table "oral" conversation with his intern and at the same time had a conversation on the phone With then Prime minister of Israel about "big" missiles.

Democracy literally went the way of the "orifice", if the General had it his way wonder what he would have done.

No wonder Americans are a confused lot, for Clinton sure as hell managed to surprise everyone.

Fine Results Clinton old boy!!

Let's see What BAD BUSH does , I sure can't wait!

oh dear single guys...

2007-03-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

why does it so often happen to us...
why??
why!!!

or is it a global phenomenon??
why isit that girls get stared at no matter who they are with...
and guys get stared at only when they single...

why??

why!!!

cant handsome young men like us just be left as we are...
though im thankful that God made me a tad more better looking than the average hunk off the street who swears he isnt gay but freqents that gay store"newurban#$le"

(but in truth,u noe pretty well he is)

now now,,

please do not be led into thinking im one of them cos judging by the number of stares
i get on the train ,
the bus,
the cab...(ah pek jealous lah)

im beginning to feel
a little uneasy...
well to set things straight...
im not gay...
though i am that i am not
i certainly am single ...
and pleased to inform...
unavailable...

...............................................
getting back to where we were...
...............................................

i get stared at....
macam nak cocok mata they all....
(i feel like shoving something into their beady eyes)

make them blind .........

im not naked or anything ....
even if i were ,
the auntie selling sayur at the pasar also wont be interested....
(dont believe i said that)

all you see is hairy indian prancing around....
naturally clothed
hahahah...
.......................................................
my point ??
(you might ask)
........................................................

leave us above-average-handsome-looking-hunks-who-claim-to-want-to-remain-single-alone

.......................................................

i get stared at everyday...
take today for example....
in the train.....
on the way home....
im struggling with my humongous bag and im greeted with stalkers......
lady opposite me staring....
lady on my left looking.....
girl on my right keeps on looking...
(im aware im good looking)

horror of horrors......
as im basking in my new found fame...
i spot this teeny weeny cute "lao ah soh"
checking me out...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arrrrghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

i get off the train at the next stop....
(sorry ladies)

hahahaha.....

and U!!!
AUNTIE!!!!
YES YOU!!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
mum better not noe anything till i drop bomb k?
if not ??? jaga u!!
hahaha
..................................
(like its gonna work)
.................................

haiz....i guess us handsome hunks
excluding some who are married....
just have to get used to it all....

Progress?

2007-03-11T16:26:00.000+08:00

We as human beings are an obsessive lot.
Growth, progress, riches, knowledge and the list goes on.

Nothing else seems to matter.
So, dear villagers, are we a foolish bunch?

Singapore is a prime example of how things grow.
God has given us a chance to learn from other peoples mistakes.

This country was started by immigrants whilst the natives were debating about hang tuah's very existence.

Nevertheless, we grew and grew.
So much so that once the Old economy had decayed and bottomed out a new
cycle began.

With the new economy, once again singapore's very foundations are being relaid by the new Immigrants that we love to loathe.

They are doing the work whilst we have joined the earlier natives in their discussions about Hang tuah's legends.

While we talk, they work, whilst we ridicule them, they work.

Nature at work.
Renewing itself.
That is life .

we will leave none too soon and then when we do, these new immigrants would see themselves
at the same place where we stood before.

Sir stamford raffles's statue would be covered in bird poop but singapore will go on.

Maybe it is about acceptance, maybe not, i do not really know.

But one thing i do see is the regression of society.
Its culture being systematically erased.

Just look at the older civilisations.

We don't have to go far, just look at Peru.
They started off as dirty little rascals.
No matter how dirty they got in their fields, they did not really have any other problems.
Kids skipped school, to go and play.
Girls were married off...and it goes on.

So what happened?
look at them now.
Successful ?, richer?
Not really, the richer they got the poorer they became.
The entire society has collapsed.

A result of ? democracy? freedom? Free economy?

Looks like, we in singapore, are better off.

If it's the dustbins that i will find myself in my old age, then so be it.

If getting pushed in the congested trains is what i will expect in my future, then so be it.
It can't be as bad as we think.
i probably will not be able to buy that $100,000 watch but i will be able to afford that million dollar sleep.

Sleep baby sleep,
Its not that bad after all.

something close to my dustbin

2007-03-11T03:23:00.000+08:00

check this out,

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/070310/5/singapore263041.html
Saturday March 10, 8:17 PM
Govt will help the poor but many helping hands still needed: Dr Balakrishnan
SINGAPORE: The government will continue to help the poor, says Community Development, Youth and Sports Minister Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, but many other helping hands are still needed. Dr Balakrishnan believes a more holistic approach can better help this group stand on their own feet.
His comments came after Members of Parliament responded to the slew of help measures announced on Thursday.
MPs did not hold back when they spoke passionately about how more can be done to help the needy.
One MP asked a pointed question on whether increasing the Public Assistance or PA allowance by a mere $30 a month to $290 is sufficient.
"My single constituents told me that they needed to skip one meal a day to live on the $260 per month and now, MCYS is going to give them one dollar more a day but one dollar a day will not be able to buy them one meal a day in any hawker centre," said Dr Lily Neo, MP, Jalan Besar GRC.
Dr Balakrishnan responded, "There will always be arguments on whether a sum we've decided is enough or not and as I've said yesterday, frankly one limiting factor must be the sum that we give through public assistance cannot be so generous as to erode the work ethic."
The Minister said the grassroots organisations and voluntary welfare groups can also lend a helping hand to those in need.
Dr Neo said, "Then am I to understand that MCYS cannot provide adequately for the most vulnerable group of our society and that PA recipients must go and seek help from others?"
"We will always need the many helping hands model, not because the government is broke. We can always do more, we can always raise GST but that's not the tone of the society that we are trying to create. What I'm designing is a system in which public assistance can and should be complemented by other sources of help," said Dr Balakrishnan.
Dr Balakrishnan added that the system was set up with a certain amount of tension - and it has been a healthy tension.
That said, Dr Balakrishnan stressed that despite a strict criteria on assistance schemes, no Singaporean needs to starve or be deprived of shelter.
And when some MPs informed him that certain helplines were not working or that policies can be more flexible to help the needy, Dr Balakrishnan invited members to call and give him feedback directly. - CNA/yy
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,

lets get over this helping our people thing. I might believe what you are saying, You might believe what you are saying. Errr What are we saying ????

Seriously, main question here is who are we really helping?

One wise man once said, Give food to the hungry and he will eat for a day, teach him to earn his own keep and he will launch his own IPO( or something like that).

My point, Have you checked your vicinity yet?
No?
Ok lets get out of orchard and lets get to the heartlands( the other heartlands, Plaza singapura does not count).
Fellow singaporeans , at a glance , it would seem that they have hit pay dirt!
Yes Pay dirt.
DIRT, keyword.
Seen an increase in "freelancing miners"?
No?
let me be blatantly clear.
OUR SENIORS (no not Senior minister, bless the old chap) rummaging through dustbins in an attempt to salvage a few cans.
I know that the price of aluminium has increased but this is ridiculous!

I mean i cannot even enjoy my drink in peace.
I practically had to wrestle and do a WWF styled slam on this one chap who attempted to grab my coke can from my hands the minute i got it out of the vending machine!

Come on guys , something needs to be done about them.
I mean can't a decent guy even enjoy a drink in peace nowadays?

And now you want to give them an extra dollar?
They will just grow stronger.
What if they get unionised??!!

Keep the dollar i say.

Educate them.
Teach them.
Maybe Begging would be good.
Ooops sorry, i meant busking.

How bout increasing the quota on tissue sellers????
Now they are a decent bunch.
At least they do not grab your cans.

Yup that is definitely a good idea.

Really, i am not to blame if i have to wrestle another chap to the ground.
I love my sugary, fizzy drinks.

Keep the extra dollar , really , you might need it someday when you are old and your children abandon you in the name of "more good years".

oh and by the way you mentioned at the end of the statement , to call you directly?
eeeerrrmmmm.......

anyone know how??

Bloddy mangkuks!!....not you sir, i meant the karang guni men/women.

May they never get unionised.

busy bush....

2007-03-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

so have you heard...??
our friend mr bush is a busy man nowadays..
he is on a charm offensive in the south americas'
.................................

happy working mr bush...
(he's got a long way to go)

...............................

meanwhile i have more important things to pay attention to...
like getting the rolls of kek lapis off me...
i get nightmares ..........

..............................

and of course getting my bike licence is of upmost importance to me...
mum will kill me if i tell her but knowing myself...
ill most probably just drop hints that im gonna do it...
you know ....
drop the bomb subtly

and it doesnt hurt...
haiz...
bigsourgrapes did it all wrongly...
he dropped the bomb and it dropped with maximum effect ...
and the result...
a lifelong ban...
and now little wetblanket...(thats yours truly)
will attempt the impossible...
need all the prayers from you guys i can get...

but i was renamed ......
"meethi churi"
loosely translated...
sweet knife

mainly because of my mastery of buttering my way through sticky situations...
and the person infront doesnt even realise he is being slaughtered...

(to this point im confused as to what im typing)

oh nevermind ......
i hope to get my licence soon and my bike sooner considering the rising transport costs and
its dumbness to even want to get a car in tiny Singapore

COE lah, ERP lah, road tax lah, fines lah,
demerit points lah, this and that......
so much headache...plus the congestion on the roads....
atleast ill not have to worry about being late to work....
keeping in mind im a habitual latecomer...

oklah im off to mustafa....
late night shopping with the family..

The day I realised I was hungry

2007-03-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

I was a young boy.
A small and scrawny child.
Blessed with the legendary "skinny indian legs".
A DUMB kid.

It took me a long time to break out of my haze.
Teachers said i was a dreamer (meaning i was out of this world).
Deep Space, thats where i was, a place where no man had been before.

I was maybe about ten, standing in the kitchen just beside the fridge.
It suddenly occured to me that i was hungry!
"hungry", a word that i knew by definition but not by experience because i was too
dumb to recognize the signs.

I suddenly understood.
Thus began my eating frenzy.
I ate like there was no tomorrow.
It did not add to my weight and neither did my legs grow fatter .
Nevertheless, i ate.
Blessed be , food.
Oooohhhh nice chewy juicy food.
I ate.
Nevermind that people in other parts of the world were starving.
What did i care, all that mattered was that, i had grown up.
I hungered.

My life was peppered with these "revelations".

Just like how god came to moses, Hunger came to me.
i Grew up (or so i believe).

I saw that there were alot of people worst off than me ( despite the Govt saying otherwise).
"more good years" they said.
Nevermind that there was my neighbour, the poor sap who had it tough.
Who despite "more good years" had never seen "One good day".

Nevermind that his wife had to wash nappies because they could not afford diapers.
Life went on.
What did i care?
I realised that i was Hungry.
Oh blessed blessed be.

Anyway, then i read an article by the peoples paper, The straits times.
Dated Thursday March 8 2007

" RARE BIRD SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 140 YEARs"

A wetland bird named "Large-billed reed-warbler" was found.
Thought to be extinct. ( hooray! you would think).

WRONG! instead of rejoicing, these all knowing smart scientists were arguing as to whether this was a true species or an "aberration"

Aberration!! its just a small bird !
Leave it alone !
Stop swiping, and anal probing the bird just to get its DNA.

It is a happy bird, You just confirmed that it was alive.
It could fly free now.
Not just in a haze.
It had a purpose.
It has realised that like me it hungers.

But no.
That was not to be.
The poor bird was violated.
and yes they confirmed that it was indeed what they thought it was.
"Professor Staffan Bensch of swedens Lund university, confirmed that it was a valid species"

Genius, Mr weird name, Professor stuffed Bench from curiously named University, said it was a valid species. WoW! now we know what kind of idiots the govt is spending money on. Bloody mangkuk!
Maybe i should anal probe you to confirm if indeed you are an ass!

Anyways..........we can only pray for you little bird.

Poor poor bird, hopefully you will find peace.
Just like how i found mine.

The day I realised i was hungry.

P.s "Lund", not so nice word in hindi, i would not go around calling people that if i were in India.

Push Factor

2007-03-04T15:25:00.000+08:00

National service, aaah .
The bane of all boys in singapore.
The boon? none, just bane.

We serve, we slave and then what?
You get a nice thank you.
The kind that is printed at some B grade printers.
Then what?
What else do you want?!!!! Get out of here Dumb rabbit!!

Yes we are rabbits.
With teeth that do not see the tip of a carrot.

It seems that the regulars in SCDF, Police. Army etc do not really give us the respect we deserve.

We are nothing but Rabbits.
Imagine this.

One poor rabbit is sitting in a corner, minding his own business and eating his carrot.
Next you have an elephant doing his business in some bush.
He looks around looking for something to wipe his ass with and after much searching he sees Our rabbit.

Next scene you know what happened.
The elephant took the rabbit and wiped his ass with it.
Naturally the rabbit still had no clue and to make matters worse,

he lost his carrot.

Maybe we should change the pledge.

We the asswipes of sinkapoH,.......

.... im gonna be looking forward to NS now......

2007-02-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

ok .....so the other dae i had this weird thought during my tutorial......
what if one day while we are busy enjoying peace in peaceful singapore......
and SCDF sirens go off all of a sudden...

singapore is under attack from malaysia.....
u must be kidding me right??
(thats what you must be thinking )

battalion upon battalion of men cross the causeway....into singapore..
armed with pickaxes and hoes...
plastic bags and sarongs.....
chewing gum and...pirated cd's
dunkin donuts and ..whatever..
(u get the picture)

their battle plan apparently......

is to drive into singapore ....
in their protons and those 'mat' scooters.....
and jam singapore streets.....

start planting sawi,kangkong,carrots,cabbages and what not...
along orchard road
heck even .......
set up streets upon streets of pasar malams ...
turn PIE into Jalan Masjid India.....
have a rematch between their national soccer team and a so called
"singapore team"
(made up of pre-schoolers)
at kallang stadium...

Mahathir takes a tour and tells his men im gonna name this island after me ......
he is in a dilemma....

he screams ..
mahathir: men!! gather....
(his men gather wondering what the gaffer is upto)

mahathir: men!! i have a slight problem with the name part and i need your help.....
(his men visibly excited)

mahathir: if you have to choose a name for this island what would you call it???
it has to be after me........

(his men try their best to please their boss and come up with 2 names ...)

one of them says:"boss kita come atas with dua nama's....."
(in his best english)

mahathir: apa they??

the representative:(explains how they wanted a funky english name for the island which
wasnt after him but on the other hand sounded like his name)

mahathir: (visibly dissapointed nevertheless eager to hear out what his charges had cooked up)

representative:boss!! kita right ..pikir either 'maha-dick' or 'maha-prick'
will be a good nama.........

mahathir:(seems delighted)
mahathir: you have done me proud men....

and with that ......i was 'vibrated' back into tutorial by my trustee phone vibrating

children out there....
dunt overlook the importance of NS unless you wanna eat kangkong and cabbage everydae for lunch.........
considering we dunt eat anything but mcdonalds and carls junior nowadaes
(i dunt mind the chewing gum and donuts though)

Singapore politics

2007-02-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

Firstly, do not misunderstand me.
I am not a PAP supporter and neither am i an opposition champion.
I watch and decide based on the facts.

The political scene in singapore is rather interesting. On one hand we have the PAP playing the good govt role and on the other we have the opposition.

Now what i do not understand. Why does chee soon juan behave like an ass.
You know our govt is going to sue your pants off (luckily in singapore, if in malaysia fiiiinish gotta go nude).

We have a rather screwed up judicial process. "guilty till proven innocent", we already know you are guilty, guilty of being a dumb ass.

So why go on with your antics. This is not a circus.

Come on man !! wake up your idea!

Do something tangible.
Dont do publicity stunts.
e.g giving speeches at the speakers corner without a licence and stuff.

Contribute, with a structured plan.
One step at a time,
Things are moving ahead now.
The govt seems to be doing stuff.
Do it right and we will all be proud of you.

And errr by the way remember that MP . the chinese dude, looks like a Pimp who wears a wig.
Wah lau really unglam sia hmmmmnnn wonder why nobody ever mentioned it before.
How to respect him? i know i tried but i cannot get my eyes off his head whenever i see him on tele giving a speech.

So how aah? our opposition has no bite, Our PAP bite too much, and the people Really bo chap.

So what to do? Bring in the foreigners!
So why complain now?

Mat salleh come, we kowtow, offer opium, Laugh when one faints after smelling the durian.

Chinaman come, we kick them
Indian come, we plug our noses.
Filipino come, we make them work as our maids
Indonesian come, we push them out of the window under the pretext of cleaning them (windows lah not the maids themselves ...perverts.) .

So whats left?

Americans? cannot we busy kow-towing to them already.

So how? keep quietlah we do that best.
Until we learn to respect people equally, things will never change.

Not everything is lost though, Our opposition might be idiots, but at least the combined govt
Is Clean. NO CORRUPTION.

PRObably the only country in the world that is not corrupt , has a good govt. And no bullshit like the israelies and the american govt.

I guess i am still proud to be a singaporean eerrrrr to a certain extent i guess.

what a mangkuk indeed...

2007-02-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

dear villagers.....
please do not be confused....

i am non-smoker...
BIG sourgrapes is the smoker.......

what say you...??
the government should raise prices on cigarettes???

i seem to think so...

hahaha...

...........................................................................................................
smoking causes

lung cancer...
yellow teeth...
affects the guys where they would rather not be ....
(no wonder we have a shortage of babies)

at press time ....the above-mentioned statements's accuracy is unconfirmed
but it might just be true

well lets go on with the list....
smoking means less time to spend with your ..

girlfriend...
wife ..
grandma....
mother....
cat ......
dog...
"kakis"(non smokers)

..........................................................
smoking means more money spent and 5 minutes of your life wasted for every stick you smoke

.........................................................

like that how to buy that mazda..
or subaru..
or lexus..
or vespa...
or bicycle (for those "illegal smokers")
or toyota crown(ooops)

.....................................................

i wonder what BIG sourgrapes thinks....

what say you BIG sourgrapes ???

hehehehe.........

Indonesia and its Environment

2007-02-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO!! to ms indranee rajah.

Just heard on the news, How she so eloquently "berated" Indonesia for its ban on selling sand to singapore. She also reminded them that Hopefully they will curb the deforestation thats going on because of the annual burning campaign for after all they are soooo Environmentally conscious.

Firstly, NO when i say burning, Environmentally friendly indonesia is not burning its chinese ppl again ( sorry to the PPL). Its the forests.

Come on guys lets fess up, these guys are not just a lot of smoke and hot air but they are really up to their eyes, from the butt crack and up with sand.

They know it and we know it.
Man, sometimes i think our govt is too nice.
First Malaysia. then thailand now indonesia.
Who next? Queue aah?

lastly,

Mr sandman, pls behave. Dun be sooo nautee aah.

false bravado

2007-02-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

Dear smoker,

i would like to bring your attention to the evening news yesterday( the rest of us do not really care when).
I admire your strength . The strength you showed the world on national tv. When you boldly stated what no one has stated before, "I dont care". Now, before i go on, i will refresh your memory.

You , the village person was duly caught on camera (by an army of reporters) blatantly and boldly smoking in an esteemed place of thinking, an institution for the aged, A honorable place more popularly known as the "coffeeshop".

You were smoking outside of the designated smoking area. For this act alone, we at SOURgrAPESatSG would like to bestow upon you your first title, "Bloody Goondu".

When questioned by the reporters as to why you were smoking there, you confidently said, "I dont care", "what are you going to do" , "saman me lah!" and lastly " i have money to pay Whaaaat !".

For this act, we bestow you with an additional title "Sir". So SIR BLOODY GOONDU , what happened next was, you and the owner of the esteemed place of business were given your respective "samans".

The one and only thing i can say to this is,

DONT BE A BLOODY FOOL AAH!!!, KAN@# CHA#o CHE$% By.
Because of bloody mangkuk's ( malay for pot) like you we smokers have to suck in the stale air being blown towards us by the govt.
We are literally being smoked out.
We kena snook!!
We have to put up with the KIller stares and risk having under "wares" being thrown at us whenever we light up.
If the prices dont kill us, then A heart attack from the behaviours of villagers like you will!.

*phew* not that ive got that out of my system,

We at you know where, thank you for your kind attention.

Your's sincerely

ME.

vertically challenged

2007-02-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

Being vertically challenged has its pro’s……
but why oh why!!!!! didn’t anyone enlighten me …??!!
why didn’t any of you good people out there tell me that its going to have certain con’s as well …???!! (Sigh)

riding the train is such a nightmare everyday for me ,be it to work or to classes…
its worse when I have to attend classes…
(im traveling from one end of the island to the other)

damnit!!
Darn….
Fish…

Im exposed to “lavender” (sleep inducing) fragrance every morning,
In this case ,the “lavender” in concern is rather too “nice” for my liking and its so special you can only find it in the MRT train at peak period …
It can even threaten to put you to sleep for a long to come (till judgement day)

To all of you good people out there who “dunt have time to shower or lather some deo”
The least you can do is stay away from public transport ...take the cab man….
kill one person with that “lavender”
not dozens…!!!!
Keep your weapon of mass destruction to yourself man!!!

I wont mind the fare hike if the extra money is going to be used to
spray people with anti-”lavender”

Scenario…
Imagine you’re in the train standing by the door…during peak period..
You so proud you’re smelling great…
Then comes the next stop, a trillion people hop in .
some guy hasn’t showered or sprayed….
(For some reason unknown to mankind, its always the guy, nobody suspects the pretty lady beside them)

Imagine that guy gets off at the very same station as you and stands there beside you.
All the way…(cos the train is packed)

God save your soul man…
All that confidence you had starts seeping out like some leaking bottle of cologne…
That bottle starts taking in gas instead (you cant ignore science)

Now,, now ,,whats the point in spraying yourself with all that nice smelling cologne, or perfume…when at the end of the journey you’re gonna come out of the gas chamber(train), smelling exactly like that brudder or sister you were standing beside all the way ??

Moral of the story??

Any one wanna try??

Ok ill tell you….leave home without spraying cologne…..cos it’s a waste of money…

upgrading woes

2007-02-25T02:07:00.000+08:00

One of our many Crazes.
We in Singapore are A crazed Lot
We Love a billion things.
We desire A Gazillion and ONE items.

My biggest woe, Lift Upgrading.

The facts
The govt housing board has gone on a rampage.
Rampage of building and adding new things to existing elements.
An obsession that threatens the very foundation this country is built on.

In this case, It is My building that shakes.
It all started with a rumble( deep in my tummy)
Had to poopy.

After when i finally awoke from my stupor(in the loo),
I realised the shaking continued!
Hmmmmnn..i thought, can't be after shocks from my recent activity.

Looked out of my window and lo behold!
i was surrounded by a construction crew, eerm my Building, i mean.

It had started.
The much dreaded LIFT UPGRADING!

LIFT UPGRADING the bane of my very existence.

I live on the second floor!
OK never mind That.
The process was painful enough, My story here is about what happened after.
So we continue, Finally the job was done (not my Poopy-ing).
The lift was completed.
Did the usual suaku thing ( suaku- mountain tortoise/villager), i went into it.
Just to try it out.
Did look Left and right , just to make sure nobody was watching and IN! i went.
Coool, i thought to myself.
Story ended?
No, just the beginning of my problems.

For you see, i have this condition.
The condition of "severe embarassment followed by guilt".
Like i said , i lived on the second floor.
I just don't know why but its tough getting into the lift.

There is this strange guilt.
Thoughts that somehow i don't have a right to use the lift.
That somehow i am depriving someone of the usage of this one lift.
Images flashing in my mind of someone on the verge of death, waiting, waiting for me to get out
of the lift.

I almost freaked out today.
Just when i was about to get into the lift, a bunch of people appeared out of nowhere and were heading straight for me, or so i thought.

There and then i had decided to press the lift button for the top floor, thinking that perhaps
then, these people would not give me nasty looks or worse throw used undies at me.
Imagine my relief when at the last minute , they turned to my right and walked away.

*phew* close call that one.
Looks like i have an allergic reaction.
To the lift.
No more lifts for me.
NO, nothing will change my mind.
Too much Stress.
I could get a heart attack you know!!

*sigh* my problems have just begun.

politically apathetic

2007-02-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

My debut post here…im basically not your average…local.
Local as in born and raised here..
i wasn’t bred here..
im no animal..
some people with ‘brains ‘ will say as part of their introductory line.
bla bla bla.i was born and bred here….
I laugh hard ..when I get home

Ok lets cut this shit…
So how many of us are politically apathetic???
Say what???(ill hear you saying)

U: Political armpit…??
U: Brudder u trying to be funny isit???

Me: precisely..

No wonder we are what we are…
Ok hell no I dunt read news like the newscaster…but sense I have to at least watch the headlines….

So whats the oil price like now..??
U: ahh simple…s$5 sumthing for a whole bottle

Me : there you go…..
Politically apathetic!!!

U: huh??
Me :thank you.., have your seat..

We weren’t talking bout any cooking oil..
But the much abused…
sought after...
despised…
cause of Iraq war…(some of us might think so)
crude oil..or black gold or just plain simple oil

now, now, my fellow audience..
dunt get too excited just yet.
we all have this habit of getting jumpy when things aren’t going our way
and we start defending ourselves…
I bet u agree…

So my question remains ….

How many of us are politically apathetic?

You: ah lian ah!!! Whats politically apathetic….
Ah lian: what armpit??? talk properly can anot!!

Me : (shakes head )

religion and ethnicity an uniquely singaporean dilemma

2007-02-24T02:25:00.000+08:00

Our perceived Dilemma and bias.
------------------

Indian then you must be hindu. Speak tamil, Drunk, beat wife
Chinese, then you are definitely - paper burning , pork eating temple goer.
Malay - Muslim, guitar strumming .

Our Understanding
-----------------------

Indian Muslim - indian dude/dudette who is a product of a mix marriage between a malay and indian.
Muslim - malay, who eats no Pork and No lard
POKiLA - My definition of an establishment which thinks it has pulled off a coup by bypassing the "halal" certification process

The Facts.
--------------

Indian,Chinese,Malay - is a race( not the one that you run in, aiyoh goondu!!) Just people. People working to make a living. Good and nautee. All shapes and sizes.
Islam - A religion
Muslim - a person that believes in Allah and all that defines him. A person that has Islam as his religion.
HALAL - food that has , NO Pig or its by products.
NO ALCOHOL. MEAT that is slaughtered in an islamic way. (all OTHER COMMON MEATS)
HARAM-ANY food item that comes into contact with the above or falls out of the rules as defined above..

Bloody Goondu - anyone that does not already know any of the above.

Therefore,

Dear Mr/Miss BLOODY GOONDU,

Please remember the above so as not to embarass yourself.
We live in a Multi-cultural environment (governments words)
Actually 3 main races plus one "others"( sorry couldn't resist taking a jibe at the Govt)

Know your fellow human. If you do not already know the above, may god help you.
Your ignorance, Is Your gift to us.
Please accept our gratitude and thanks for giving the rest of us a
reason and opportunity to laugh at you.
Just because we love you does not mean we will tolerate your extreme goonduness.

So In closing, For GODS SAKE PLEASE try to understand the above.

The mgmt

Sourgrapesatsg.

growing up

2007-02-24T01:10:00.000+08:00

i had a decent childhood.
Just like any other teenager, i felt invincible.
Thought that , when i am older , i will "automatically" have an older mans brain.

Responsible,mature,serious, and so on.

It didn't happen.

I was in my early twenties.
All That fooling around,
was a little smarter.
A little wiser.
That was all.

Next i knew, i was married.
Did i feel any different?
Not really.
Same all, same all, teenage brain.
Have tons of responsibilities though.

Yup, just like the transition in this blog, the time that passed
from my teenage years to the present went by very quickly.

I realised, that when people say that they are young at heart.
That is precisely what they mean.
It scares the hell out of me.
What if i am on my death bed and i dont feel any older??!!

The facts, My brain did not get any older. It is the same old me.
Yes sure, the insecurities went away with the pimples.

but what else?

I still fool around, playing games and what not.

YOU do not GROW OLD!
THE COld hard fact
You just die one day, looking like crap.
Butt sagging to the floor etc.
why do you think old people commit suicide?

they realise this fact and there is not one god dam thing they can do about it!

The body will not allow them to do stuff they want to do.
Society will not let them do what they want to do.

Except for the deviant few( BATAM Dwellers) , most of us just die "young".

i Think it is gods way of screwing around with us.
Or maybe, that is where our soul resides in(our brains)
Or maybe It is some governmental Experiment where our bodies just waste away
and our brains get stuck in this time warp.

What i'm saying is , I NEED TO THINK OLD!!
I think i'm having a midlife crisis at the age of thirty.
Or maybe i just realised something that only comes with age,
and that is,
We never grow old.

unstamped passports

2007-02-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

Legends for this blog
village people - the citizens of the country ( because we are all dumb)
govt - governments

The Straits Times wednesday 14 feb 2007.
JOHOR Menteri BESAR ABdul Ghani Othman said,

1) Sporeans facing problems( passports Unstamped) should raise the issue with him.

My retort, Ok sure whats your email?...oh sorry wait give me ur morse code id ,they wont allow me to use the PC here in the jail. oh wait could u pls send

me $5 ringgit first, for your cheap ass malaysian jail wont give me anything to wear cause i dont have the moolah to buy your designer jail shorts and

seriously its really cold walking around here in just my undies.

2) HE ALSO SAID THAT he has not heard of any singaporeans being jailed for unstamped passports. He also asked for proof of such a thing happening.

My retort, ok seriously dude. Have you seen my fart? no right ? does that mean it doesn't exist? and what kind of a MENTERI besar are you ? you have no

clue whats going on in your country. i tell you what, since i know more, i suggest you step aside and ill run your state for ya. my technic would be simple.

ill blame everything on singapore and your village people will vote for me . When they get sick of singapore ill blame it on thailand and say that its their tom

yum soup thats causing the village people to get dumber. My last retort ok ok. i give up . its my fault next time ill agree to get robbed first at the checkpoint

then by your village ppl then u chop my passport. ok? how?

ps. someone just stole my undies pls send me a loin cloth in the very least.

SMOKING

2007-02-21T05:22:00.000+08:00

We the People of Singapore ,
Are obsessed with the act herein referred to as "NO SMOKING".

The gahmen say Smoking Bad
People say Smokers Bad.
So gahmen say, we charge more tax.
People say, Round these buggers up and put them in yellow box.
Gahmen say ok.

Smokers say.............

So people say, smokers bad.

Smokers say..........

So people say saman the smokers that flout the law.

Smokers say...........

So gahmen increase tax , yet again.

people say, good!

Smokers say.........

so I say, Why waste my breath,i can use what's left, to smoke.
Afterall, dogs will carry on barking behind an elephant.
(old indian saying, directly translated).

p.s . "gahmen", (government in singlish)

MUST OWN CAR

2007-02-21T04:24:00.000+08:00

WE singaporeans are an obsessed LOt.

We loooooovvveee our cars.
We loooovvvveee to dress up our cars.
we looovvvveee to (..........fill in the blanks......) our cars.

this really pisses me off!

Firstly i just do not get it.
Before we get our cars, there are a ton of things we have to consider.

IT is not a simple purchase.

There is P.A.R.F, then there is the C.O.E, then The E.R.P, The insurance, the road tax, servicing and other stuff.

I went to a showroom once.
The conversation went,

salesman: do you want us to bid for you?

Me: No dude i just want to buy this car! No bidding required.

Salesman: ok then, we will give you our price and if the C.O.E is higher you will have to pay the difference.

Me: *scratching my head*...um OK?

Salesman: So do you know the P.A.R.F of this car?

Me: *pause* I think i'll walk.

Get what i mean?
Its too bloody confusing!

I told you, our government confuses us into submission.

The die hard fans, will go get the car. Wait for a month or so to get it, then drive around in their brand new shiny cars.

as for me, i will take my public transport, while
Harbouring Strong desires to scratch my neighbours car.

by the way, please don't ask me what C.O.E or P.A.R.F is?
I am still very much confused.

indians

2007-02-21T03:36:00.000+08:00

i just don't get it.

Indians speak funny when they speak English.
I know it.
You know it.
Yet whenever there is an indian joke, people always
make it a point to use an indian accent.

Dont you think the indians know it?!!

i just don't get it.

there is a hell of alot of discrimination against the indians.

People say we smell funny ( yes i am indian).

some say we don't bathe.
Some say its our diet.

we Smell Nice!
I know.
I smell like chicken briyani
I know others that smell like chicken curry.
Hey! , this is good!
Good Food, Good Smell.

Have you come across an aussie during winter?
They DONT SMELL like chips , i will tell you that, NO SIREE!

HOW about the chinese? , They smell like fish!
The brits, like something the cat dragged in.

come on people! , looooovvveeee us.

Another grouse of mine,

why is that, whenever somebody farts, they will all look at the indian?

why, do we have a neon sign on our foreheads that says, "if you smell something bad, it is probably Us farting?".

Do you know how much work that would be?
First you have to take care of the power supply,
Next, these neon signs generate alot of heat!
Not to mention the amount of dust they collect.

Maybe, we should have a sign!
A politically correct Signage.

THIS sign would say, "if you smell curry its us, if you smell Fish its them and if you smell both at the same time then its probably the angmoh! (white man)".

The jokers and Fish and chips

2007-02-21T01:10:00.000+08:00

we all know the state of affairs of the world.

In case you live in a cave, the gist of it is.......

governments = money = death.

The world is pretty easy to figure out from here on, if you understand the basics ( as shown by the equation above).

The governments of the world operate in a simplistic manner.

it goes like this,

The American government, cons its people into submission,( Clinton and his sexcapade, Bush and his lies....oooohhhh BAAAAddddd Bush! , very convincing and now the village people are voting for Hillary, GO FIGURE!)

The Arab Government, Beats its people into submission,( mistreatment of its lower classes, women etc)

The singapore Government, Confuses its people into submission ( Remember how they said GST was good for us? Yup, i dont understand it either, and i've a Degree! )

The Malaysian Government , Confuses its people into submission and in the end , They end up confusing themselves. (Favourite fallback slogan-Singapore did it)

The Indonesian Government, Bribes its people into submission. ( uh ha , we know what that means)

The indian Government, Misleads its people into submission (Favourite fallback slogan- The Paki did it)

The European Government, Too drunk to bother doing any of the above to the people ( The people are drunk too)

The Australian Government, They are too confused themselves as a lot to confuse anybody else. ( They hate the crown and yet Piss in their pants to go there when given the opportunity, They detest the Americans and yet go goo goo ga ga when presented with anything american. eg the nuclear issue)

The Pakistani Government, Misleads themselves as well as the public into submission (Favourite fallback slogan- The Indians did it ).

The Thai Government, Misleads its people by blaming Thaksin (their ex leader) and if all fails blame it on Singapore. The result - Long picket line outside The singapore embassy. see above picture.
So how do you fix it? (SEEMINGLY)

Simple , throw United nations into it, for one.
The will Vehemently Condemn The actions of the Countries in Fault.
Then they will Draft Sanctions (maybe after a million years).
Maybe throw in a couple of inspectors as a bonus ( we all know how that worked for IRAQ).

After That when all else seems hopeless, The Americans Will ride in, like the cowboys they are.
Woohooo they will save the day and perhaps ride into the sunset after, After they have plundered, oops sorry i meant SAVED the day.

Then what? , They will send in more cowboys.

So what is the UN doing all this while? Strongly opposing everybodys actions.

What about NATO? ( dont even go there)

So is it all fixed? No not yet. You forgot about the people.

what are they doing?
Busy picketing, Striking, etc.
It aint working people!!.
They think we are all dumb.

The only Government i respect so far is the Singapore GOVT.
They might be tough,
They might seem like they are ASS$#@*s
But hey They really hold out their own against the other ASS&^%$s
They are still doing something for their people.(better than nothing)

For all you cynics out there , Singapore was one of the Very few Countries out there that
didn't buy Bad Bush's reasons for attacking Iraq.

Look at The Malaysians, What do they do?
They blame Singapore For a variety of Problems( creative bunch)
They blame the floods on singapore.
They Blame the water shortages on Singapore.
They blame Singapore for reasons from A pimple on their asses to the weather.

eg.

The press: So what caused the rampant flooding in your state?

Johor Menteri Besar ( loosely translated as the big honcho) : Singapore! ( pointing at singapore in the background)

The press : So what are you going to do about it.

Johor Menteri Besar : eeeerrrmmm we severely condemn singapore's actions

The Press : oooohhhh Singapore BAD!!!

Johor Menteri Besar : yeah and i ask for world peace!

MALAYSIAN HEADLINES nxt day

Menteri besar says singapore is to blame for ALL our problems and plus There is no world peace because of them.

Really guys, what started all this? Ask yourselves that.

I reckon it started with Fish and chips.
Really, i am not kidding!

The Brits LOOOOvvveeee their chips.
So when they run out of it, what do they do?
They Come to india.

The royal Beggars Emptied out the country ( while Sipping their Tea, eating scones and Glorifying their national heirloom/pride- The spotted Dick)

The created/encouraged segration in the country using their military tactics, To divide and conquer and then separated India and pakistan for good measure...Now India, that is one country that has really gone to the dogs.

What they found there was riches beyond their wildest imagination but sadly no chips so they left.

They did this to other countries including asia and lastly, defeated they came back home.

By then the world was screwed By these Royal SPOTTED DICKS....pun intended

Fast forward to the present

THE People Crave CHIPS and no solution to the problem at hand...they were running out of Chips.

Soon the solution presented itself.
The Israelies.

the conversation went.

Israelies - The palestinians are really pissing us off so why dont we bomb them

Americans - NO NO you cant do that! UN will seriously Condemn our actions

The British - Would you like a cup of tEA?

The Israelies - OK tell you what, We BOMB you Then you Bomb Iraq, Then When everyones busy we Bomb Palestine.

Americans - Oh , OK....eeerrrmmm So who bombs who again?

The israelies - Dont Know I cant remember.

The British - How about Some Spotted Dick?

The israelies - Sorry No Dicks, They arent Kosher.

The americans - Why dont we ask OSAMA.

OSAMA - aaaaaahhhh sorry my turbans on too tight i couldnt hear a thing.

The americans - we give you a plane and you can go on a joyride.

Osama - ok, sounds cool

ISRAELIES - hehehehe

Ther rest we know is history, osama (purportedly, we never know) flew the plane and halfway thru his turban came undone and blinded him and he crashed into the twin towers.

THE brits - ummmm ...we still dont have chips

The americans - tell you what , follow us into iraq and maybe, just maybe we might throw some chips your way.

The brits - ok...lets go cowboy.

ISRAELIES, meanwhile are kicking the palestinians, and the palestinians are kicking Each other while the Brits Still Have no chips and here comes a new cowboy in town, The HERO of the muslim world , The iranians.

Now the Iranians , are a smart Bunch!

They mislead Their Public using the POOR POOR US against The DEMON/ANTI CHRIST America card ( while beating the crap out of their women folk).

meanwhile.......
THE UN - we vehemently protest against YOU.

The saudis are the coolest People. I mean look at them. They hammer the crap out of their Country folk for drinking alcohol. Stealing etc.

So they pass down sentences on them while Sipping cognac on their yachts.
Cognac on one hand and a Tasbih on the other.

Now aint that cool?

I don't know man, i am a muslim and all but seriously, these guys managed to figure out a loop hole in the Quran. Must be .

It has to be true. Cause i looked and i looked and seriously i could'nt find anything that says You CAN DRINK alcohol.

They must be reading something else man ! or else they must be really smart people.
( check Out Your nearest PUB, You will find an arab drinking alcohol and reading the tasbih at the same time)

YOU know whats really cool?
They paid the Americans with black gold to fight the war for them!
Cool guys.

I really am confused, just like the rest of the world.

The Israelies are screwing their own people,
The Palestinians Are still Getting Screwed By everyone else and for good measure they decided to screw each other,
The american Public is still screwed ( never got Better, It was all packaging and marketing)
The arabs, in the meantime are building Dubailand and god knows what.
The brits are still screwing their own public

And guess what?

STILL NO CHIPS!

The world's a mess i tell ya.
All because of Fish and chips.

latest Update, The British Government has officially anounced that chips were never a problem.
IT was THE UN that lied to us.

I SERIOUSLY PROTEST THAT!
SANCTION THE BUGGERS!!

Integrated Resort- Ah Beng in CONVERSATION

2007-02-19T03:41:00.000+08:00

So whats the big deal on these integrated resorts?
Gambling is Bad? yes BAAAAAaaadddd!

ok lets work this out.

VOICE OF SANITY: Gambling = Bad
Resort + Gambling = bad?

VOICE OF AH BENG: why aah?

VOICE OF SANITY:
New year , we gamble
Soccer, we gamble
Accident, we gamble (buy 4D)
Buy new house, we gamble

VOICE OF AH BENG:
so gambling bad?
Why aaah?

VOICE OF SANITY:
lemme explain,

Gambling , families breakdown.
gambling, car Breakdown
Gambling, Friendship breaks down.
Gambling , wife kick you out.

VOICE OF AH BENG:
So gambling bad....ok i get it
i think i go drink stout, gotta abjorb all these cheeem cheem words.

VOICE OF SANITY:
aaah...actually aah, Drinking also bad.

VOICE OF AH BENG:
Kani@ # NA#$ Cha*@ CHE#$

i want to migrate.

GREAT SINGAPORE CRAZE

2007-02-19T02:48:00.000+08:00

WE are an Obsessed LOt.
First we had the Endowment Fund MOment.
Every TOM, Deng and Harish worth his/her own salt was buying them
Gahmen said , BUuuuuYYYY!!!!! so we bought.

Then We had the Insurance craze,
Gahmen or Some insurance agent said that we will die a horibble death soon so must
have money to pay our Medical practitioners to do lobotomy on us. So we bought.

After, we had the Unit TRust madness, Buy! Buy! Buy! said someone, i forgot who.
So what?
We bought lah.
Every dog eat cow company that had unit trusts to offer , we bought.

Next we had the HDB SELECTION thing, so we queued overnight ( Never mind that it didnt happen - HDB WALK IN SELECTION)
We Queued, we fought, we conquered and we went away without anything.

And Now we have the en-bloc sale madness.

The voice of the people paper had it in bold. HE MADE 3 MILLION IN ENBLOC SALES.
ooohhh wow, 3 million huh.
Preease aah NO more already the gst increase (July) is the final nail in my coffin. I cannot queue anymore.

my question is, since everyone is buying unit trusts, endowment funds, insurance policies, and what not , then who the hell is losing money. I mean if its sooo good then everysingaporean must be making money huh?

so if we are all making money then it must be the malaysians that are losing.

hmmmnnn maybe thats why the floods came. Gods way to wipe out The "losers".....
It must be true then, One of my malaysian friends said Singaporeans are rich.
Why ? i asked. Singaporeans are the only people in the world who actually queue to Buy a house!

Maybe god should send another flood to them and flush these sarong wearing villagers( No relatives of our local import, the Sarong Party Girls) into the sea.....
ok, seriously the problem aint Them( OUR MALAYSIAN FRIENDS). its us.
P.s. Sorry guys (malaysian dudes/dudettes ) aint directed at you. I love your sarongs...really....ooohhhhh soooo very breezy...ahem!

So whats wrong with us?

ITS SINGLISH i tell ya.
Singlish is the root of all evil.
Speak MANDARIN GUYS.

Or is it all that imported sand from indonesia creeping into our refined singaporean nostrils thats causing the problem.

FESTIVE SEASON- chinese new year

2007-02-19T01:50:00.000+08:00

whats with all these new year events anyway.

you see bucket loads of children in diapers, or not.

Half crazed Mummys driving their hyper kids- piled on Prambulators ( snob in me just does not want to call them Prams) around from one point to the next.

Dads or Daay-deee( singapore slang for daddy) barking orders like military men to everyone in their vicinity...including innocent passers-by.

old folks shuffling like mad...trying to keep up with the madness (see above group)

90percent of the country shuts down.

i just dont get it. All this happens even before the New year starts.

The big day itself , a picture of calm (discounting the cabbies).

CALM- key word, thats grossly misleading.

Calm for Moms, NO . imagine trying to herd the kids and grandparents and Husband. Further explanation(refer to group below) .

Calm for kids, NO , all those sweets oooh sweet sweet sugar rush, hong baos and lots of hongbaos, games , running, jumping, crying aaahhh soo much to do so little time
( footnote: mom and daay dee already bribed the other kids with hongbaos- act of bribing also referred to as investing so own kid gets money too from other parents.)

Calm for Grandparents, NO (refer to above group)

Calm for dads / daay-dee, NO , ( refer to all of the above)

Convinced? NO?

Well how about this , the damage starts even before new year. New Year itself is just a culmination of all that.

Imagine MOney.

Kuih - COSTS money
New Furnishings - Cost money
Kids - cost money
Cats - cost money

Hell !! even hell money costs money!!.....ok ok....a little off track here but you get the picture.

New year , I swear, was a womans idea. I'm convinced
First HUsbands get fleeced for every cent...furnishings , kuih etc
Then when you think its all over , reunion dinner comes..aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!
Finally just when you think you can start to breathe here comes the new year itself where
Your last few remaining cents get squuueeezzzed out of you.

At Last , beaten, squashed, bleeding you come home.
Straight onto your bed.
Shuffling, crawling, dragging your miserable ass into your cave.
Sleep comes...day ends

Morale if the story, if you get married , IT ALL JUST GETS WORSE!
SO be warned

SBS traffic wardens

2007-02-18T21:40:00.000+08:00

its just been published in our resident "VOICE" of the people paper that one dude actually took photos of these two SBS Transit dudes committing a heinous crime.

crime one : booking an errant motorist for parking his vehicle( waiting or whateva you want to call it) at the bus lane.

CRIME two : they (the wardens) did the very same thing themselves( parking their bikes), while they had their meal at a coffeeshop nearby.

now lets call this errant motorist goondu A and call the wardens GOONDUs B.

ok then, i was put in a somewhat of a quandary after reading this article. my question is , so whats the problem?

both of the groups were goondus. albeit one was goondu A and the other goondu B.
ok fine, lets say for the sake of argument, Goondu A was of a higher rank ( SSWO - super sourgrapes want to be let off). my retort ,so what???!!! the second group Goondu B, were not of any lesser calibre. THEY HAD NICE BIKES. Big white bikes with those blinking lights to boot.

Goondu A stated that the least GOONDU B could do was to ask him to move off...move off??!!! WTF!! dude no parking/waiting/levitating or whatever means NO doing any of those things.

TO GOONDU A: you okay or not aah? if a cop sees a guy murdering someone does he have to ask? i can just about imagine how the conversation would go.

murderer: DIE DIE YOU BI#@H (while stabbing victim)

cop : eeerrmm excuse me could you please ahh pull the knife out of that lady..thanks

murderer : oh ok, sorry for the inconvenience.

cop: ok thanks , eerrm by the way would you mind filling up this suggestion form. we gotta please the public you know.

murderer : oh ok , i will not fill in my handphone number though cause ive been getting quite a bit of banks and insurance companies calling me.

as for you, goondu A- see what i mean?

TO GOONDU B: come on man dont be dumb ( see above conversation and figure out the answer for yourself)

for you guys the infamous video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v96fSeGWdE