Computers a wiki

we live breathe and eat computers.
There was a time when typewriters were the "in" thing.
Refridgerators were a mark of luxury.
Washing machines, a mark of status.

Computers?
They just plain baffle me.
15 years back if a family had a computer, they were rich (never mind that they never knew what it was for).

Now, everyone has one.
BUSH has one ( he probably thinks it is a fish tank), Clinton had one (till he got busted watching Porn), My neighbourhood mama has one, even my dad has one.

So what is it for?

Blogging, commerce, an avenue to access Maxim's website....hehehehe
and what not.

Now that we have answered "what it is for" i will try answering
what It is.

It is everything i would rather it was not.

It gives me information that a library cannot.
It is an encyclopedia that answers nothing.
A dictionary that explains next to nothing.
A bottomless pit of information that informs nothing.
A box of connections that connects to nothing.

so the answer is, It is nothing!
( hmmmnn what is my isp charging me for?....."probably nothing" you say? ....wah you aah really genius !)

i have connections to my friends, blogs, friendster, emails and what not. Do i know them?
No not really.

Anyways... now that i have answered what it is, i will now try to figure out if we really understood it....

Most of us wouldn't be able to differenciate between a CDR and a DVD-R even if we were run over by a truck,filled with these CDs, being driven by a legion of apes.

So...*sigh* here i will try to explain the general terms used in relation to computers.

Thumb Drive : It is not what you think. It is a small storage gadget that you insert into your computer to store things. ( no not like your cupboard!!!! and please DO NOT TRY to Squeeze your pet monkey into it!!!)

Floppy Disk : Redundant now, was too floppy , so out it went (men, lesson to be learnt here.

A BUG : Some insect that entered your computer, don't worry about it. It will come out sooner or later.

Microsoft : Some company that is too small and too soft, *see floppy dick...ummm sorry i meant disk.

Microsoft Office : Something we can all do without, It is just like having electric paddles for a sampan.

DVD, CDr, Blue ray : Do not worry about them. They do not mean a thing! Just something extra the devil put in to confuse us.

Mouse : Something that everyone presses, isn't loyal to anyone. So burn it if you can.

Keyboard : See mouse.

LCD,CRT : Shows you stuff that you do not want to see. eg. your bank balance being hacked away, pictures of your loved ones being unfaithful, Emails telling you that the IRAS will forfeit all that you have and more.
So better to switch it off.

CPU : the box that processes all the above. and gets them to talk and occassionally makes noises. sometimes they do not talk, it is ok, we all have quarrels. they will kiss and make up later.

Windows : just something that is there for ventilation. Remember to close it when it rains.


Viruses : if your system warns you that there are some in your system, don't worry, the trojans will come and kill them for you, if all else fails, take some antibiotics.

Get it? if you are still confused , email me. I will bring My special Optical wireless mouse to scan your system to learn more and explain to you. What is it ? oh something that only professionals have. So don't worry about it. I will continue updating this wiki to help you...

------UPDATE--------

MACintosh= MAC in TOSH.
We all know what mac is, as for "tosh", i haven't a clue. Go bug your neighbour about it.

Speakers- Things that speak, have little people in them making noises. Leave them alone they like their privacy.

Webcam- switch it on and dance nude( shave your back before you start)in front of it, will give you luck.
(Disclaimer- i said luck, i did not specify what kind. If you have bad luck its because you probably didn't shave your back, If you did shave then it must be because you are plain unlucky).

Printer- too many buttons and does nothing.

RAM- something in your CPU that makes it go faster. So avoid it (not the cpu lah! idiot!!) . Oh one more thing, lock the doors of your room (in case the cpu runs too fast for you to catch it).

Dual core- makes your CPU run faster, if you haven't already learnt your lesson from the "RAM", then you really deserve it. Stay away from it!

Error messages in windows ( first find who wrote
it on your window before reading on) :-

1) keyboard not detected, please press any key to continue. ( any key will do, car keys, house keys etc) if it doesn't work still, you are doing it wrong.

2) fatal error Blah blah blah...- call the paramedics !!!!!!

3) please update your antivirus - my god i didn't know there was one !! STOP EATING THE ANTIBIOTICS!!!!

more updates later