growing up

i had a decent childhood.
Just like any other teenager, i felt invincible.
Thought that , when i am older , i will "automatically" have an older mans brain.

Responsible,mature,serious, and so on.

It didn't happen.

I was in my early twenties.
All That fooling around,
was a little smarter.
A little wiser.
That was all.

Next i knew, i was married.
Did i feel any different?
Not really.
Same all, same all, teenage brain.
Have tons of responsibilities though.

Yup, just like the transition in this blog, the time that passed
from my teenage years to the present went by very quickly.

I realised, that when people say that they are young at heart.
That is precisely what they mean.
It scares the hell out of me.
What if i am on my death bed and i dont feel any older??!!

The facts, My brain did not get any older. It is the same old me.
Yes sure, the insecurities went away with the pimples.

but what else?

I still fool around, playing games and what not.

YOU do not GROW OLD!
THE COld hard fact
You just die one day, looking like crap.
Butt sagging to the floor etc.
why do you think old people commit suicide?

they realise this fact and there is not one god dam thing they can do about it!

The body will not allow them to do stuff they want to do.
Society will not let them do what they want to do.

Except for the deviant few( BATAM Dwellers) , most of us just die "young".

i Think it is gods way of screwing around with us.
Or maybe, that is where our soul resides in(our brains)
Or maybe It is some governmental Experiment where our bodies just waste away
and our brains get stuck in this time warp.

What i'm saying is , I NEED TO THINK OLD!!
I think i'm having a midlife crisis at the age of thirty.
Or maybe i just realised something that only comes with age,
and that is,
We never grow old.